Can we agree to disagree?
Posted by admin in Building Bridges, How to talk about race on September 1st, 2010
A few days ago someone (let’s call him Andrew) and I had a heated discussion about picking our battles in race discussions. I don’t believe we need to fight every issue to be heard and prove we’re right. Andrew shared his anger that I could choose to, “give up so easily,” even on something I didn’t consider important. After a few rounds, exasperated, he said those five words in disgust, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”
I understand from his tone that he didn’t want to agree to disagree, he wanted to convert me to his way of thinking. He acted as if my position on the subject was, well, ignorant and agreeing with him was the only logical response to his viewpoint.
In this case, “agree to disagree” was a nice way for Andrew to end the conversation since he couldn’t convince me that I was wrong.
I found several online definitions of agree to disagree:
§ To stop arguing and accept that the opposing viewpoints are irreconcilable.
§ To set aside an irreconcilable difference in order to maintain a civil dialogue.
§ To tolerate each other’s opinion and stop arguing; to acknowledge that an agreement will not be reached.
§ To accept different opinions about something and stop trying to change another’s opinion.
A few questions for us all to ponder: In race discussions, are there some things you can’t agree to disagree on? When approaching conversations about issues of diversity, do you try to convince the other person you are right? Are you willing to listen to and closely consider an issue that you strongly oppose? What issues will you NEVER consider valid? Would you have a conversation about that issue with an open mind? Let’s talk…
Hot Topics!
Posted by admin in Current Events, Have we overcome? on August 25th, 2010
So much in the news this week thought I’d post some hot topics to ponder.
First is this article from Sunday’s Washington Post about Essence magazine hiring a new fashion director who happens to be white. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/08/19/AR2010081904265.html. What do you think of Essence making this decision? Do black women have “special” fashion needs and issues?
This Maryland Independent article is about two United Methodist churches (one White and all Black) combining as one. http://www.somdnews.com/stories/08252010/indytop173030_32432.shtml. Should more churches make decisions to deliberately integrate? How diverse is your congregation? What efforts, if any, are your church leaders working on to diversify?
August 28 marks the forty seventh anniversary of the Martin Luther King, Jr. “I have a dream speech.” Do you plan to do anything to formally recognize the occasion? I always like to listen to the speech again, to remember how far we’ve come, http://dioncommunications.com/blog/?p=626.
Also on August 28, Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin are holding a “Restoring Honor Rally” at the Lincoln Memorial in DC. Apparently Al Sharpton also has a permit to demonstrate that day south of the Memorial, should be interesting. Any thoughts?
It’s back to school week for many school districts. How diverse is your child’s school? Are you happy with it? Do you believe the school board (elections looming here) should reflect the diversity of the community?
Okay, that’s all the news you can use today. Let me know your thoughts on these events or anything else that is happening this week in DC or around the world. Let’s talk…
Women of Color
Posted by admin in How to talk about race, Stereotypes on August 18th, 2010
Guest contributor Claire Delacruz shares her poem Women of Color.
Woman of Color
By: Claire M. Delacruz
It’s like a jungle out there
So much struggle out there
Always looks like it’s so hard to find my way
Being a woman of color
In this white man’s world living here today
Being a woman of color makes me wanna kneel and pray
For the struggle that it brings
The struggle that it brings…
From youth
The pressure that it took
To look
Like the girls on TV and those magazines…
Problem was these girls were skinny white women
Praised for their size 2 waist
Blue eyes
Blond hair
With this white woman flair you could just sense in the air
Growing up
Being the brown girl with
Black hair
And brown eyes
And my size 13 waist…
When asked what I wanted to be, I wanted to be the girl on TV
Dye my hair blond, get blue contacts and let me just lose some weight
So I can look like the girls on TV
Or those models in Paris
Or my Barbies…
Give me that or let me be the cool girl at school
So I don’t have to struggle with being
An outcast
Or the nerd
Or the weird one
Or the Fob.
The Fob.
Let me not be associated with being Filipino cuz that would make me a Fob.
Let me deny my beautiful Filipino culture and language cuz that would make me a Fob.
Please just let me be the cool girl at school…
And I was.
At the cost of my pride
My Filipino pride
My beautiful Filipino pride that took me years to understand…
It’s like a jungle out there
So much struggle out there
Nowadays, struggling to break out from the image of the submissive Asian female
Expectations of “me love you long time” and being all “down for her man”
Well, I’m down for you, but you better be down for me
Cuz I ain’t givin’ you sh*t
Unless it’s reciprocated back to me
I’m not there just to fulfill your fantasy
I got more to me than just t*ts, you see…
I’m a beautiful Filipino-American woman
With beautiful black hair
Beautiful brown eyes
And damn beautiful brown skin
With a heritage so rich of beautiful men and women
From the beautiful island of the Philippines
Where the women were respected leaders of the barangays
Back in the days, I’m talking back in those days, those igarot days…
And it’s not so easy, when you got men
Just trying to holla at you when you’re trying to make a point
Or when dad tells you to find an “easy occupation to make it easier to start a family,”
To hold myself back,
My career back
My goals and dreams back
So that I can start a family?
So now begins this dichotomy between my career and my family…
Do I strive to make my career dreams come true?
Set my path on fire and climb my way to the top?
Be the executive making the big bucks and being the boss?
Or do I have these beautiful souls come out of me
And extend my family
And find pleasure in raising the next generation of
Filipino-Americans?
Damn, the struggles you see
That there be
Being a woman of color in this society.
It’s like a jungle in here
So much struggle in here
Always looks like it’s so hard to find my way being a
Beautiful
Confident
Intelligent
Filipino
Woman of Color…
QUESTIONS:
· How comfortable were/are you with your culture and ethnic traditions?
· How do you identify yourself? For example, Filipino? American? Filipino-American? American-Filipino? Multicultural? Why?
· What racial and/or gender struggles did you face during your childhood, if any?
· Were you ever called a Fob or did you ever call someone else a Fob when you were growing up? How did this make you feel?
· For Women: How do you or how do you plan to balance your work and personal life, between setting career goals and being a mother? What are your feelings about this?
· What parts of this poem can you relate to in your own life, if any?
Claire M. Delacruz has been writing since the age of ten, but began performing her poetry in high school. She has been a featured spoken word artist throughout her college and post-collegiate career in various poetry events, open mic nights and cultural festivals around San Diego. Claire continues to write and performs sporadically throughout Southern California. Her poetry is based upon her life experiences and ponderings in friendship, love, faith, her Filipino-American identity, as well as current social issues. Claire loves to incorporate music and singing into her poetry and constantly looks for ways to grow in her writing and performance.
Local Authors Reception
Posted by admin in Current Events on August 11th, 2010
Have you ever wanted to write a book? Ever read a magazine article and thought, “I could write that?” Ever wondered how other writers got started and how they stay motivated?
Join us for the Local Authors Reception, Saturday, August 14, 10am – noon at the La Plata library (2 Garrett Avenue, La Plata, MD 20646).
I’ll be sharing the platform other local authors to talk about our books and the writing process. Learn about local resources available to writers and meet other local authors.
This event is free and it’ll be my birthday so please join us and bring your writer friends with you.
I’ll be signing copies of Let’s Talk about Race after the event.
White Brain/Black Brain
Posted by admin in Interracial relationships, Stereotypes, Stuff White People Like, You've Got to Be Kidding on July 28th, 2010
My 19 year-old and his friend decided to do an overnight kayaking trip along the Potomac River. I thought this was an insane idea. My husband said, “that sounds cool.” Now aside from the ordinary Mars/Venus differences a friend pointed out to me that my son was utilizing the “white side” of his brain.
She’s convinced that a 100% black child would not think it was “cool” to go out on the water in a small craft at night. To prove it she asked, “Have you ever heard of Ray Ray and June Bug and ‘em going kayaking?” I laughed. It’s okay if you laughed (sometimes we’re way to serious about this stuff). And yes, my husband laughed when I relayed the conversation to him. And my 19-year-old laughed too. Okay, done laughing. But, of course, this got me thinking.
Pondering what exactly that means white brain/black brain. This conversation with my friend occurred soon after reading and communicating with Richard Morris, the white novelist who wrote his book from a black man’s perspective. Read that post here.
Just as my husband’s left handed brain sees things differently, does my “black brain” have the same proclivity? Well, yes. Besides the kayaking, here’s another example.
Several weeks ago two police cars parked outside of our house. The officers remained seated in their vehicles. I thought, “What is going on? What are they doing outside my house?” With no conscious thought, I experienced feelings of nervousness, uneasiness, and I couldn’t think of a positive reason they might be there. I knew I wasn’t breaking the law but I wasn’t convinced that they knew. I even considered they’d made a mistake and had the wrong house, thought they might be planning a raid on my residence.
In contrast, Marc felt safe, secure, even comfortable with two officers parked outside. He didn’t wonder why they were there and didn’t assume they were looking for him. He went out and said hello to them. Turns out they did have the wrong house – looking for a former neighbor.
We reacted with our stereotypical black brain/white brain biases towards law enforcement.
Another example of this white brain/black brain involves a community organization I belonged to. We are a racially diverse group and have honest conversations about race as well as other issues. When discussing what punishment a convicted murderer (a young black man killed another young black man) might warrant, I noticed a racial divide in the responses. All of the white people expressed a strong sense of tough justice – they should lock him up and throw away the key; they each identified more with the victim. Every minority felt the murderer (eighteen years old) deserved a second chance, a lighter sentence, could be rehabilitated. Interesting.
I wonder if our goal should be to try to convince someone of another brain to think the way we do. Maybe instead, we should try to see the world through their eyes. Try to go through a day left handed, living on Mars or looking through a different colored filter. I wonder. Let’s talk…
White Author Pens Novel from Black Man’s Perspective
Posted by admin in Building Bridges, Current Events, How to talk about race, Literature on July 21st, 2010
So when might Write Words and Let’s talk about Race collide? How about when a white man writes a novel from a black man’s perspective. Richard Morris did just that in Well Considered. Here’s what he had to say about how and why he came to write the book. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
In writing Well Considered, how could I, a white man, hope to get into the mind and soul of a black man and describe how he thinks and feels? And how could I do the same with my other black characters? Isn’t that invasive and presumptuous?
Still, I had to try. My story revolves around a black man, Ron Watkins, and his neighbors, some of whom are white. I did not just want to just look at them from a distance—I wanted to see them from within.
Writing Well Considered was a challenge for me—a test to see if I really could understand the thoughts and feelings of people on the other side of the racial divide. In doing so, I had to pay close attention to what my African-American friends and acquaintances said, some of whom were friends in my small book discussion group. So I listened when they said, “Oh, we don’t do that,” referring to asking what someone does for a living as a means of getting acquainted. Their openers would revolve around, “where are you from?” “And we would never say…” this and that. Their comments were generalizations of course. People are individuals and cannot all be lumped together.
But there are cultural threads tying people together. My delving into the hearts and characters of black people had to be based on black history—slavery, Jim Crow, segregation, persecution by whites, powerlessness, and the endless distancing of whites from blacks through white flight and by simply turning each one into an “Invisible Man.”
In Well Considered, I also had to describe a mix of white characters with disparate beliefs—from white supremacist segregationists to liberal integrationists. I needed all of them to tell the story. And I could not shy away from my task. Literature should not be segregated into books for whites written by whites and books by blacks for blacks, and further subdivided into all the other races, nationalities, and religions. Can no writers see how people different from themselves think and act? Of course they can. Some do it better than others.
I did not know how well I could do. But I decided in writing Well Considered that I would just do the best I could and let readers judge for themselves the veracity of my characters. This week I was delighted to find that at least one reviewer, Robert Fleming from AALBC, an African-American literary website (http://aalbc.com/reviews/well_considered.html), found my effort successful. Fleming says, “Some critics have often said white authors cannot capture the soul and passion of African American characters, but that is not the case with Richard Morris’s aptly titled novel of race, hate, eugenics, and violence.”
Now it is time for you to judge it.
Posted with permission from Richard Morris: http://richardmorrisauthor.wordpress.com/2010/07/10/into-the-mind/
So, what do you think? Can a white man accurately depict the thoughts and feelings of a black man? Would you consider this perspective valid? Do you feel this is “invasive and presumptuous”? For my writer friends, share how you’ve written from perspectives different from your own. Let’s talk…
Little Rock Nine Remembered
Posted by admin in Hatred, History, Racism/Discrimination, Videos, segregation on July 7th, 2010
Sorry if this is hard to watch but sometimes I want to revisit this part of our history. I watched in horror, sad, afraid, disappointed, but in the end I feel overwhelmingly thankful for where we are today. I don’t want to remember to illicit bitterness. I want to remember to stay grateful.
What emotions did this evoke in you? Big question – is forced integration a good thing in all circumstances? Let’s talk…
Call for Submissions
Posted by admin in How to talk about race, Media on June 30th, 2010
Let’s Talk about Race is seeking submissions. Send me your articles, book reviews, resources, opinion pieces, poetry, book excerpts, videos, etc. that will spark discussion about race. I don’t mind controversy, opinion, whimsy, just nothing profane please. Also, if you have a previously published book excerpt, blog or article about race, we take reprints.
Simply send your submission (try to keep it around 500 words) to angela@dioncommunications.com. End your piece with a few questions that will get people talking. Add your bio and photo (feel free to plug your blog, book, web site, products, etc.). I’ll contact you when/if I use your post.
I’m so thankful for the support and encouragement I get from my readers. You give me the strength and willingness to continue my mission of promoting racial unity in families, businesses, churches and communities.
Let’s Talk about Race in the news…
Marc and I are speaking about “No More Segregated Sunday” at First Baptist Church of Accokeek on July 11th at 11 am service. www.fbcoa.org
I did two radio interviews in the past month. One on Sky High Radio about church segregation and the other with Lake Enterprises about the film “Good Hair.” http://www.blogtalkradio.com/deborahelake/2010/05/07/good-hair
My article “Act it Out” was accepted in Teaching Tolerance magazine; it will appear this fall www.tolerance.org
I am currently completing an interview for EVERYTHING Interracial and Intercultural Group (EIRIC™) (www.everythingiric.com) which should post in the next month or so.
PG Gazette article http://www.gazette.net/stories/05272010/entepri142358_32553.php
Maryland Independent article
The highest compliment you can give is to recommend Let’s Talk about Race to a friend. I appreciate your referrals.
Buy the book. http://booklocker.com/books/4289.html
Read the blog. www.letstalkaboutrace.net
Hire a speaker. http://dioncommunications.com/blog/?page_id=231
Interview a race expert. http://dioncommunications.com/blog/?page_id=331
Confronting Racist Comments at Work
Posted by admin in Building Bridges, How to talk about race, Racism/Discrimination, Stereotypes on June 16th, 2010
I’ve been on my new job for two weeks now and I’ve already heard several coworkers make (what I perceive to be) racist statements. In each case a black woman made the comment. Not that white people, other minorities and men don’t make questionable comments, it’s just I think you’re more likely to hear them from people who look like you and think you might agree with them.
In most cases the comment was something in the neighborhood of, “You know how white people are?” My answer, “No, what do you mean?” Obviously (even though I have pictures in my office) they didn’t realize I’m married to a white man. They continue with something like, “They are ‘crazy’ about their kids…They never want to see ‘us’ in management…They want to take all the credit.”
I look incredulous and say something like, “My experience has been different…
…I’m ‘crazy’ when it comes to my kid too – don’t you think that’s a universal thing more than a race thing?
…I know people of all races who support diversity in management – I think it’s more about character and fairness and maybe even fear, than about racism, what do you think?
…I once had an African American supervisor who was the same way – supervisors of all races can take credit for your work, don’t you think?”
My strategy: I confront by stating my experience. It’s hard to argue with someone else’s experience. I end with a question. These questions either get a nod of approval (or dismissal) or start a wonderful conversation. Somewhere in the conversation I try to talk about the variety of people I’ve met of all races and the variety of experiences I’ve had with all races.
I’m the new person on the job. I am already getting a reputation as one who doesn’t usually let those comments slide. Is it uncomfortable? Sometimes. Does is make me stand out? Yes. Does it maybe change the way people approach me? Definitely. Do I mind? No, I welcome these opportunities for dialogue.
Do I confront every instance? No. One coworker talked about a client’s biracial children saying, “You know how beautiful they are?” I chose not to respond. I wasn’t in the mood that day – contrary to popular belief I’m not always in the mood to talk about race. I filed the remark in my mind though because I want to speak to this coworker about our concepts of beauty and how it influences young, dark-skinned black girls. Another day. Another conversation. Another opportunity to change the world one conversation at a time.
So, what about you? How do you handle (do you) racist comments at work? Would you feel comfortable doing what I did? Let’s talk….
For more ideas on how to talk about race, order the book.
Interracial Marriage: Past, Present and Future Part 2
Posted by admin in Building Bridges, Interracial relationships, Media, Stereotypes on May 31st, 2010
Okay, this video is funny and certainly fits in with the interracial marriage theme I’m concentrating on in honor of our 22 wedding anniversary. I think it’s interesting that some black women feel so strongly about black men dating outside their race. Sorry, but this woman does seem a little angry and I’m not sure she’d be fun on a date.
Questions to ponder: Is it okay to be exclusive in the race you date? Do you feel differently about a white woman saying she’ll only date black men than a black woman saying she’ll only date white men? Why? Have you dated/married outside your race? Any interesting stories or lessons learned from that experience? Let’s talk…
